Rediscovering Love

Here I was lying on the hospital bed and watching my husband take care of me. I could see the concern on his face. His actions and the way he took care of me spoke about his love for me. I always thought that my husband detested me, would be very happy and relieved if I am no more as he is not very expressive. He was always angry and frustrated and never approved most of the things about me. He picked faults with me for everything and had denied me of motherhood for the last eight years.

Today I could see the fright of losing me on his face. He spoke less but actions proved that he really loved me and cared for me. This was the turning point in my life.

I was hospitalized because my blood pressure had shot up to 180/100. I was diagnosed with a hemorrhage in the brain. This was because my parents had come to know about my other relationship. I was ashamed to face anybody.

It was time to think if I was right in continuing my relationship with another man who was married and had a child and could not promise me any future. I felt I was deceiving too many people. I wanted to end this relationship. This was not easy as I loved the other person too. He healed a huge part of my relationship my husband. It was time I made up my mind. I could not sail in two boats at the same time.

I tried talking to the other person but he would not let go. I was feeling terrible that I was hiding something from my husband. I had to confess to him and come upfront about my other relationship. I wanted to start afresh and did not want to have any thing hidden from him.

When I confessed to him, I did not expect him to forgive me or accept me but on the contrary he was so protective about me, forgave me and accepted me back. I couldn’t have asked for more of an acceptance from him. He turned out to be more magnanimous and noble. He had every right to be angry, to cut me out of his life but he accepted me back. This made feel that I had got back that entire love he had not expressed in so many years. Now it didn’t matter if he failed to express his love for me. I could feel his love for me and accepted to go the family way and is supporting me in every way.

When I started my sessions at SAHHEAL, I came to learn that that this other person had come as my teacher who opened up my husband’s love for me. I also learnt to forgive myself and my husband and the other man. Through Sri Raj Bhowmik's Teachings, I also learnt about the fact that we are different individuals. I realized about my husband's love and care and acceptance towards me.