Choosing a Partner

We belong to a Brahmin family, where ‘education’ in terms of acquiring degrees is considered a greater achievement over all qualities. Parent s aspire that their children go to the best institutions and also earn well. This is indeed a good aspiration but what should the priorities be?

These aspirations and achievements without the proper balance of other spiritual qualities is destructive. It is so linear that other subtle qualities are by -passed.

When we were looking for a groom for our daughter we naively took for granted that any person who is a high achiever would automatically qualify as a good husband. We thought, if he possessed a decent job and had clean habits it would ensure good behavior.

This was our charge-high achiever plus judgmental. This condition when unaware gets multiplied through several generations. The fundamental values get sidelined while acquired beliefs get accentuated. The man-made moral values which may or may not be in harmony with the fundamental values leads to divorce over a period of three generations.

Self-righteousness, being overly critical and blaming others for ones actions get highlighted with each generation. The shift in the focus is more family centric and self centric. Our wants and needs take priority over sensitivity to other’s needs and feelings. The belief system is so strongly in place that there is very little awareness. While looking for a suitable groom the priorities and focus should shift to qualities such as – how comfortable are you around the person? What vibes are we receiving from this person? Is my state of mind harmonious, peaceful and calm? Am I aligned? Am I able to receive vibes of harmony and happiness around this person or do I feel threatened? Am I constantly making excuses for this person’s behavior? Where is the disconnect?

When we go into silence then truth comes out. We are able to face ourselves internally, then awareness comes without justifying our weakness-face them head on and change.

The person with whom we wish to establish relationship must have sensitivity to his  partner’s needs and feelings, should be able to reach out with generosity and compassion. Is there unconditional contribution of love, care, compassion or is he/she looking for someone to constantly makes him feel good and demand that all the time? These are some of the leads one should look for in a marriage.

Co-operation, co-ordination rather than confrontation! Being useful in situations rather than demanding that situations be according to one’s demands. Flexibility, adapting oneself to situations and environment , these are the traits one must look for. So our priorities must shift from achiever to a well balanced compassionate spiritually connected and aligned individual.

                        Thank you Soulbath Peace Foundation for giving me a chance to put down my thoughts after attending the courses provided by SAHHEAL which broadened my understanding on relationships a great deal.

                                                                                                                                                       Bhanu