A Beautiful Closure

I got freedom today. My heart suddenly feels so light. It is because I closed a relationship today that was not compatible with my being. I got into this relationship in a totally unaware state. Now that I have learned to be aware and aligned I could sense today (for the first time) what the presence of a negative person did to me but the same time I could also manage it well.

I got my final divorce today. The whole of Saturday and Sunday (the days preceding the divorce) I was disturbed. I had been to the court totally 4-5 times and each time I was calm but somehow after my last visit to the court on Saturday I started feeling lonely and unsupported and extremely jittery.

My parents had to go abroad to be with my brother and his wife as they are having a baby. My friends were too busy with work and I did not want to disturb them as this court hearing had been postponed several times and last but not the least on Saturday I found my lawyer telling that she was not allowed in the court (due to the boycott)and I had to handle it on my own! I had also developed an apprehension for the court and the atmosphere. Thus, I was completely disturbed.

I called SAHHEAL for help. I was very patiently made aware that I am not helpless and this is an opportunity to be independent. I also learned that the court was not a place to be afraid of…in fact my total perception of the court changed in a few minutes. I understood that any place where you take an appeal from your soul to a higher authority is like a temple. If your intensions are genuine and aligned then the court (god/higher force) will grant you your wish. I slowly started aligning myself with this thought and went to bed early and then sat and prayed in the morning(Monday) visualizing the court as a temple granting me freedom. I appealed to our founder that I remain firm but kind, honest and calm. I carried some jasmine flowers from the Pooja room with me as my master’s essence.

What happened today was indeed amazing. First my friend and his wife call and they say that one of them will come and be with me and provide me with a car and driver. I get driven to the court with my friends wife (also my friend).She turns out to be a great support and I was very glad to have her. In the court as I entered I bowed my head in gratitude to the place and remained very calm. When the judge came into the court I subconsciously thanked her. Just before our case was called out my ex-husband came and stood by me and started talking. For the first time, instead of reacting to his constant barrage I firmly told him-“we will talk later but let us first close this”. I also thanked him for coming.

When the judge called us –I requested her for mediation the same day and she (I had seen her on two occasions before and had assumed as very strict) actually smiled and agreed. She also asked us to bring the elders of our family into the court, as my parents were not present my ex-husbands mother was brought in. She was asked if, as elders they had tried to resolve issues and reunion was possible- for which they started accusing me of stonewalling them and not responding to them, hearing which my lawyer actually rushed into the court (she was not allowed). But the judge after a while told them that she was not interested in the details and that she was simply completing a formality and asked us all to proceed with the next step.

We went downstairs for the mediation and my lawyer came and told me that they are in the process of readying the final papers. At this point my ex-husbands mother came to me and held my hand and started talking(I had feared this and imagined all sorts of high emotional drama) but when  she spoke I listened and when I spoke I found her actually listening. She told me she loves me and I responded by holding her hand and telling her she will always be amma to me. Then I gently told her that I understand her stand in the matter but I am firm with my goals in life.

My lawyer then led me into the mediation room and to my relief told me that she will be there with me and my friend could be here as well. My ex-husband and his family as well as his counsel also sat across. I was thoroughly prepared for the mediation thanks to SAHHEAL and kept going all that we had discussed in my mind but as I soon discovered I did not have to do anything at all. The mediator after a brief introduction asked me what I wanted to do (she had a huge friendly smile on her face unlike what I had imagined).I told her “I do not want to be a part of this marriage” very clearly and those where the only words I spoke.

When she turned to my ex-husband he started venting his feelings and accusing everyone in my family, my friends, my counselor and my lawyer for brainwashing me! He went on and on till my lawyer, his own lawyer and the mediator (who was progressively getting confused with his narrative) could no longer take it .They, at various points stopped him which made him angrier. The mediator then very clearly told him that this is not a place to vent or hear anybody’s version of events but to resolve disputes. She also told him that he has to understand that in the Indian scenario the family is very much a part of the person and he cannot expect my family to be kept away. At this point my lawyer then pointed out to the mediator that I had gone for my counseling sessions(with SAHHEAL) on my own, gone to the lawyer(herself)the first time on my own and even come to court on my own. My ex-husband’s lawyers very skillfully put an end to this discussion and asked us all to sign- which I very gladly did (I many a time felt I had his lawyer was also working for me :-).After the mediation the mediator came rushing to me hugged me and told me that she was sorry if the discussion had gotten out of hand and had caused me distress. I told her I was fine.

We went back to the court but the judge had left and we were asked to wait. During the long wait my friend and lawyer sat on either side of me at this point my lawyer very sincerely told me that she was very happy as I was getting away from so much negativity and that even she could not take it! After a while the lawyers managed to get the judge to approve of the final draft in her chamber itself and much to my delight I was told I never have to come to the court again-it was all over!

Just as we were leaving my ex-husband came to me and suddenly hugged me, I also hugged him in thanks as he had come (willingly or unwillingly) and granted me freedom.

My immense Gratitude to Shri Raj Bhowmik  through whom I realized that, just by changing my attitude towards the court and aligning myself I was supported at every step by everyone- my friends, the judge, the lawyers and the mediator. I learned that, you don’t need your family around you all the time for lending you support. The environment supports you when you ask genuinely for something. That whole process could not have been calmer and smoother.